Wedding Thank You Note Etiquette 64 comments
While the tradition of writing thank you notes dates back hundreds of years, the practice became common with the invention of the postage stamp in 1840. Newlyweds are now expected to send thoughtful thank you notes for wedding gifts. The task may seem daunting, but you can gracefully fulfill your social obligation to gift-givers by following some simple rules.
How to Structure the Note
Begin your thank you note by mentioning the gift by name and saying how much you look forward to using it. Tell givers that you enjoyed having them at the wedding or that you missed them if they did not attend. Use appreciative, conversational language, keeping the emphasis on the guest and gift. Add a personal note such as a moment shared or the importance of your relationship. Conclude with an expression of affection and your name.
Five Common Misconceptions
1. “Thank you notes must be long.” - You want to show the giver that you appreciate the gift. A short and simple note can have a significant impact. Keep it brief and appreciative of the giver’s generosity.
2. “Thank you notes are the sole responsibility of the bride.” - When the bride and groom divide the list of givers, notes can be sent out more quickly. Think of this as your first official task as a married couple. It will give the bride and the groom the opportunity to recap their wedding and their guests.
3. “You have one year to send thank you notes.” - The majority of givers expect acknowledgement long before a year has gone by. Send thank you notes for gifts received before the wedding as soon as you open them. Wait no more than two months to send notes for other gifts.
4. “Thank you notes must be stuffy and formal.” - Your note should sound like you. The more natural and conversational the tone, the more genuine your expression of thanks will appear.
5. “Emails can substitute for thank you notes.” - Sending an email in lieu of a proper paper thank you note is a major no-no. Your guest made the effort to buy a wedding gift. Reciprocate in kind with a proper thank you note. A hand written note will show more appreciation than an informal email.
Five Best Practices
1. When composing a list of names and addresses for invitations to the wedding, make a copy for later reference. As you open gifts, note each gift beside the giver’s name.
2. Immediately jot down details. It will be easier to remember at a later date.
3. Invest in attractive thank you notes. You will be more eager to use them.
4. Do not attempt to write all your thank you notes at one time. You will tire quickly, and your expressions of gratitude will begin to sound mechanical.
5. Express your own handwritten thanks in addition to any printed expression of gratitude already on the note.
Five Mistakes Not to Make
1. Do not mention amounts when thanking a giver for a monetary gift. It is more graceful to let the giver know the gift was generous and appreciated, whatever the amount.
2. Do not put the emphasis on yourself. The note is about the giver and his or her thoughtfulness.
3. Do not get names wrong. Making a mistake in a note directed to people you do not know well counts as a major faux pas.
4. Do not forget who was at the wedding and who could not make it. You will probably receive gifts from people who could not attend the wedding. Do not thank them for their presence when they were not there.
5. Do not forget to send thank you notes. You will regret your negligence for years and inwardly cringe every time you encounter someone you did not thank. Thank your guests for sharing your special day with you and their generous gift.
Engaged couples have traditionally sought their thank you notes from a local stationery store or printer. With changes in the wedding stationery industry, however, more couples are turning to the convenience of an online printer. Online printers offer stylish, personalized thank you notes that convey appreciation to those who contributed to your special day.
